Thursday, November 1, 2012

back: for one whole month

This month is Nanowrimo. Write a novel in a month. People do this! I am not one of them. Maybe next year or maybe never. But in an offshoot of the spirit of completing a novel in a month, I am going to post to this blog each day this month.

I kind of feel like throwing up just writing that.

I haven't met very many (any) of my writing goals lately. So wish me luck.

I'd very much like to post the above and call it good for the first of November but this announcement does not seem like post enough. Last week I was thinking of teeny tiny essays I could post here. I even wrote a short list in my notebook in case I sit down and go: hmm. I'm sitting here going hmm now so let me find that list: Okay. Glancing at my list I am already thinking I should spend November posting photos of the road in front of our apartment.

But here are two topics: Goals and Quitting. Let me tell you about my goals: when I picture the word Goal, I imagine two things: a soccer field and a jar of marshmallow fluff. What I do not see in my head when I think Goal is a concrete block of Goal or a sprint toward a Finish Line. Still, I have goals. They are nebulous. I think that is why I imagine the jar of marshmallow fluff. And if you want to know, the soccer field that I see is totally empty. There isn't even a ball to kick around.

Please don't run too far with that.

This month I turn thirty-two. I don't remember thinking thirty-two sounded old, even when I was a teenager. I thought sixty sounded old, but not thirty-two. I don't feel old but I also really don't have the energy to Assess My Life or set a This Year I Will goal. Past birthday goals have included giving blood and reading my poetry at a coffee house. High stakes.

I am in a holding pattern. That is what life feels like right now. Not in a bad way. Circling the airport, waiting for the weather to clear: that is better than nosediving through storm clouds. (Although a nosedive could be electric if you live through it). But while I'm in this holding pattern of early nights and early mornings, I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I'm not rabid for a goal, but I want to make the best use of my time. So I'll be thinking about goals this month and I might try to visualize something more than marshmallow fluff.

3 comments:

Steve said...

updating once each day this month is a goal. I don't think it is that easy, unless you are really whacked out, and have all kinds of stupid stuff running through your head all the time. :)

Good Luck. :)

christy said...

I would personally be very amused by pictures of the road in front of your house. Really missing dinner with the Marslender's.

Kristine Webster said...

First I TOTALLY pictured an utterly empty soccer field as well.

Second, I'd like to hear the stories of why the road in front of your house is interesting, or even short stories you make up about whatever is going on out there.

Last, I am one of those crazy people attempting NaNo once again. I have won 5 of the last 6 I attempted and the only one I lost was because they did Camp on back to back months and that is just plain too much. So, I look forward to checking in here to see what you're posting. Good Luck!!