Saturday, August 25, 2012

from summer!

In January, Justin starts a list for summer. Things To Do. Things To Buy. Things To Bring Back. When he asks me what I want to add, I say, "Nothing." Usually because in January I am thinking about January and maybe February. But his list stays posted on the fridge and he adds a few items to it as the months march toward summer. Then we're home and he's got his list on paper and I've got mine in my head and they both mostly match up.

We had a good summer. A full summer.

One Sunday we biked with my family. Justin and I decided that if or when we move back to the States we'll buy an old car and new bikes.
There are many many many places to buy things in Kuwait. But there isn't an Eddie Bauer or an Ann Taylor. Also, I like chocolate. And I got my Gloria Jean's for the summer.
Justin and I took the two little ones to a local dairy. We ate ice cream. I like this picture because one day I'll miss the little hands hanging onto my pants shirts legs arms. I really will.
I think that's Justin's shirt. Oh well. Mom took Claire out in the canoe. I think Mom looks great in this picture. Actually, I just think she's great. 
Sometimes Grant wants a Papa cuddle.
Justin and I went here the summer we started dating. Ten years ago! Those are Justin's parents.
The idea was to tire the kids sending them running from one end of the yard to the other and back. We all got tired!
And this guy made my summer all the more fun!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

quitting running

For a year.

Sometimes I think about what I want to say before I blog it. I've thought about how to explain why I'm taking a year away from running, but didn't find a tidy paragraph in the mess. The simple reason is: my body needs a rest. I injured my knee in February and brutalized it further by pretending it was better than it was, keeping my Running to Nowhere treadmill routine. My physical therapist had no answers as to what (pinpoint it!) was really wrong and I understand; without an MRI, it can be tricky to guess at the workings of a knee. I'll see what he says when I return to Kuwait. Maybe I'll ask what Mr. MRI has to say.

Also, I just got tired of keeping running. For years running has been very important to me. It still is. But parallel to this knee injury was an idea that I've had for awhile: I need to know I'm okay without running. Running shaped too much of my day and mood. Perhaps I shouldn't write in past tense. I still think about running. I still hope I get to run again, for long lazy miles. I hope this isn't a Big Quit but just a short little break in routine to recalibrate my heart and mind, decide what and who should really be shaping my day and mood.

Perhaps it helps that actually running would likely further damage or reinjure whatever mystery injury I have in my knee. It's easier to pause running when it's physically irresponsible to do it. But it also feels a little hopeless and sad to wonder if I'll get back an activity I really enjoy.

So I'm at the start of a year of not running and wondering where I might go. I have to go somewhere. Right? I can't take a year away from running and not experience something, realize something, do something. So sometimes I am hopeful for what I may learn through this pause, how my body will strengthen and align anew. But other times I'd rather just take a long run.